I long to feel comfortable again

As I struggle to re tap into writing

all the lights are on

there are many fish swimming around,

and I have and xbox running while I’m trying to listen to Itunes and load a vid on hulu

MULTITASKING! 

It starts with one spark of light, in the darkness

After one look at you, Life seems much more harmless

With you in my life the skies aren’t so starless

You make me feel like a man regardless of being carless

I can’t fathom a life without you in it

So adorable the way you look at me,

I can’t see the world the same without you clearly

And while the days wiz by, and we sleep apart many nights

I sometimes struggle without you; I sometimes hold my pillow tight

And I hold onto my strength tighter

But nothing boosts me up and makes me fly

Like when you make me fly, I fly much higher

My soul ignites with the heart of a lighter

But before you I had a broken flint and no fluid

If I wanted to climb buildings now,

I know because of you I could

I’ll climb to the top of the empire state building

Or to the top of Mount Everest,

But to escape the pain

You were the sword that severed this

 A free life I live now,

You by my side whenever demons have me down

The strength I have inside of me

Is matched only by the love you give,

And the nights we have together of peace

I can’t tell you how much it helps me

When we finally get our one night alone a week

When we finally tangle into each other

It sooths all the internal thunder

That I dwell in day to day

If it weren’t for you I would have lost my mind worlds away

Sick of waiting, and tired of games

Having my guy period, so don’t hate

you can roll your dumb dice but don’t play

don’t treat me like I’m a dollar store condom,

like you can just re use me the next day

stop throwing me around 

I’m not a dick just for standing up 

your the one dicking me around

I’m not licking the ground

salty

dirty

On my own two fucking legs I don’t see any crutches

Or support from you 

green doesn’t come before me douche

ever, wether it’s cash or hash

fuck off world

you know how hard it is to be hurt and pissed the fuck off

and not hurt someone back?

it’s fucking stupid.

yeah I’m taking it to personal

yeah I’m blowing it up

yeah its something that should be hella small and let the fuck go

but if it’s something that was constant and always chipping away at you

you would blow the fuck up too

it’s called being a person 

and My grammer is shit

but at least I’m standing up

speaking out

I have a voice so I’ll use it

at least I’m not a social chameleon

I’ll have your back regardless of wanting to look cool

or who I’m around

try it some time 

being nice sometimes feels like it’s to much fucking work

part of me just wants to be fucking dick all the time

venting on a dumb blog, keeping it to myself so that you won’t see it

still being nice I geus you should start to appreciate this shit 

fuck 

All my fucking energy for you all the fucking time

Wearing me the fuck out swear to fucking god

If I can’t handle it then why am I still here

If you can handle it ten why can’t I ever bring it up without you turning in super bitch and watching you run away from this shit? 

always fucking cornering me so that I have to deal with this by myself and you can keep running. 

Be a fucking big kid and join the mighty meal club 

Part 1

My heart weighed nothing before I met you

Now it weighs one million pounds and an Ounce

My brain never sparked before I saw you

Now it sets fires, constantly spinning round and round 

My body never felt before I held you

Now it feels everything, like every light socket in town

Every current in the world

Every light switch

Every car starting, or loud radios at late night house parties

You’re my light in the dark,

Occasional reality shot to the chest

Or my pinhead dart on the bull’s eye of my heart,

On the dart board in the garage next to my broken car

.

.

I wanna be the best mistake of your life,

and the worst correction

If I’m not a mistake then,

I wanna be the first guy that takes you in the right direction

I know I’m not the first to say it, but I’ll never disappear on you

To cliché? Deal with it

With everything we’ve been through,

You still make me feel like a brand new pair of shoes

I want to be your little engine that could

And you be my cute little lucky caboose 

Lets ride all the tracks together

Lets ride all the way out

into the sunset, until even the stars fall down

.

.

But with you it will never feel cold,

and I’ll never be shrouded by the darkness of the clouds

It’s you that makes my heart feel like the inside of a house

Together laying by the fire, I just love that sound

Listen to our hearts pound

How many men can say they get to be yours today

Just me

How any man can turn from you and walk away,

Means they’re just little boys, scared and afraid

Like I was, back in the day, before I met you

My pain in the past, it’s all blown away

All my trust issues shredded,

While you helped me to turn to the next page

And now we go forward together,

As we step forward into the next day

.

.

Part 2 

Now as my brain stars fires,

And my heart blows out all tires

My feelings overload,

as you fulfill all my hearts most wondrous and romantic desires

all the wonderful chaos of love in my existence,

drives and aims, my complete and balanced devotion, passion, and happiness

For you, with you, and of you

I promise when you wake up, I’ll be there to love you

And when your down I’ll be there to hug you

Whenever theres times you just want to frown, looking down at the ground

Look up a little, just above Sams poo

look up a little more, and in my eye’s please

I’ll be down on one knee, holding your hands, saying “will you rise up with me” 

.

.

The past is gone

the future isn’t here yet,

instead worrying about past opportunities gone wrong

or things in the future going un checked,

Lets live in the here and now

Lets rise to the top and remember why we met,

lets be awesome where the others just skipped out

it’s us all the way I have no doubt,

your the best part of my life

you make my life better all around

Traveling across the universe, 

Coming to be with you

moving mountains,

never had to pick or choose

when it came to you,

I had not a clue

when it came to you, 

I had not a clue

I would be so in love,

and flying so high above with you

So maney brother’s, so maney sister’s

I miss them all so much, I’ve become a well wisher 

always wishing to see them

I love all these people but I feel chained

I wish I could give everybody this love that I can’t keep contained

but at the same time, I’m so bussy that I become strained 

so much love to give, but I’m hardly ever where I say I live

I feel so forgetful and sometimes I feel like shit

I bust my balls to the wall to survive and succeed 

While trying so hard to keep so many people happy 

it brings teers to my eye’s to see my little sister

Having grown more than the last time I’ve seen her

To hear of a my mom’s struggles while I’m away

To be away from the I love the most it hurts

Even in the same town as the love of my life

We’re still spread apart by circumstances

I have to hold myself strong every night

And make the best of every chance to hold her tight

No matter where I go and who I try to make happy

I feel like I haven’t done enough

The only thing that helps me not look in the mirror and feel crappy

Is the smiles I see we all rejoice, and I crack jokes and get sappy

I’m working my hardest and doing my best

I just need to lift the weight off my shoulders

and some of this off my chest